Who made the mac n' cheese?
If you come from a family like mine, there are a few typical questions that have to be answered before we get Thanksgiving dinner started. “What time are we gonna eat?” “Who’s saying grace?” “Who made the mac n’ cheese/sweet potatoes/greens?”
This question isn’t just a random curiosity about the recipe or ingredients; this is a prerequisite to determine whether or not it gets added to your feast of a plate! Listen, we love the fact that everyone wants to contribute to the festivities, but everybody can’t make mac n’ cheese (or the other staples), and honestly, if the answer is anyone other than “Grandmom” or the couple of aunts that have picked up the technique while being forced to be in the kitchen growing up, then you should probably proceed with caution! With all of the instant “I want it now” shortcuts in today’s society, some meals still take time, the right/classic ingredients, and a certain set of skills that not everyone possesses because they haven’t spent enough time in the kitchen.
The reality is, our marriages are similar in this way! While we want the picture-perfect, hot-n-ready marriage, we have to ask ourselves some questions! Look at it this way; our marriage is the meal and WE both have to make sure that we are invested in the process in order to produce a satisfying result. First, have WE done our best to ensure that we have the right ingredients to make the recipe work? In this case, the ingredients include the fruit of the spirit that should guide our steps and encounters with our spouse and others. Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness & the big one…SELF-CONTROL! Have WE given grace and shown gentleness to each other as we practice the skills necessary to learn and make mistakes throughout the process? Are WE faithful to the process and patient with having to compromise in areas where we may have the off-brand version of an ingredient, but do what we can to get it to the point that it tastes like the name-brand; it just takes a little extra seasoning to get there.
Listen, anyone can make a dish look pretty, but once you get better acquainted with it and take a bite, you realize that looks can be deceiving! Our relationships are the same! We can dress it up and present well in front of others, but when the process is full of chaos and a lack of accountability, and there are ingredients missing in the recipe, the only guarantee is that the final meal (marriage) doesn’t taste like what the creator intended! God intended for marriage to be a representation of His unconditional love and relationship with the church! At some point, you have to take a look at what ingredients are missing and what steps were left out of the process in order to accomplish the end result that you (and God) desire!
We are all in the same boat and have to periodically review our original recipe and process to make sure it’s still effective, but there are some ingredients that must be present! If you and your spouse need support and direction in establishing a stronger foundation for your marriage, we’d love to support you in that journey through our premarital/marriage coaching program. To learn more about it and other resources that we offer, visit our services page.